From the moment our children are born they are already being trained to fit into a traditional binary gender role. We make so many assumptions for our child that we've barely even met, who will grow into a completely unique human, and yet we immediately confine them to a box. We assume males will be strong, females will be pretty. We assume they'll be cisgender and we assume they'll be straight. I've heard people convince themselves they're doing the right thing by confining their child to this potential prison, that they're protecting them from bullies when really they're just teaching their kid that the bully is justified in some twisted way. That they need to change who they are to not be bullied.
People think their confining gender roles are justified because that's the way it's 'always' been and they think there's science to back it up. No science here. You've been groomed by someone who has been groomed by someone who has been groomed, the even subconscious differences in how we raise our children is only widening this divide.
I've gotten plenty of criticism for the dolls and pink shirts Oscar sports from time to time. "Wait until he can choose!" like he popped out only wanting to play with trucks or "You're going to make him gay" like putting a blue polo on him will make a kid straight. Gendered toys and colors are used to code our children and push them into the 'correct' path but I don't want Oscar to be on any path other than his own.
We tell our boys not to cry, that boys don't cry. We tell them they can't be princesses, can't be pink-obsessed, can't wear dresses. We assume they'll like girls when they grow up, building the closet they'll someday have to escape. We push sports, speak to them differently and buy different toys for them.
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from raisingmyrainbow.com/ |
You can give your child the opportunities they deserve by
- Not making assumptions about them
- Following their lead
- Don't label things as 'boy' and 'girl' things
- Don't discourage them from age appropriate books, movies or toys just because it's not traditionally acceptable
- Teach them that bullies are the ones who are behaving wrong and how to handle that situation
- Nurture the child you have, don't manipulate them into the child you want