Why having a feminist parent is just as important for parents of boys

The responses I get when talking about misogyny gives me the idea that people either think that misogyny only affects women or that it's an entirely made up notion altogether. The misogyny our society has cultivated goes way beyond hurting solely women. It reaches further than I think anyone would like to believe, and to undo it really is to start over from scratch.

From the moment our children are born they are already being trained to fit into a traditional binary gender role. We make so many assumptions for our child that we've barely even met, who will grow into a completely unique human, and yet we immediately confine them to a box. We assume males will be strong, females will be pretty. We assume they'll be cisgender and we assume they'll be straight. I've heard people convince themselves they're doing the right thing by confining their child to this potential prison, that they're protecting them from bullies when really they're just teaching their kid that the bully is justified in some twisted way. That they need to change who they are to not be bullied. 

People think their confining gender roles are justified because that's the way it's 'always' been and they think there's science to back it up. No science here. You've been groomed by someone who has been groomed by someone who has been groomed, the even subconscious differences in how we raise our children is only widening this divide. 

I've gotten plenty of criticism for the dolls and pink shirts Oscar sports from time to time. "Wait until he can choose!" like he popped out only wanting to play with trucks or "You're going to make him gay" like putting a blue polo on him will make a kid straight. Gendered toys and colors are used to code our children and push them into the 'correct' path but I don't want Oscar to be on any path other than his own. 

We tell our boys not to cry, that boys don't cry. We tell them they can't be princesses, can't be pink-obsessed, can't wear dresses. We assume they'll like girls when they grow up, building the closet they'll someday have to escape. We push sports, speak to them differently and buy different toys for them. 

from raisingmyrainbow.com/

You can give your child the opportunities they deserve by

•  Not making assumptions about them
•  Following their lead
• Don't label things as 'boy' and 'girl' things 
• Don't discourage them from age appropriate books, movies or toys just because it's not traditionally acceptable
• Teach them that bullies are the ones who are behaving wrong and how to handle that situation
• Nurture the child you have, don't manipulate them into the child you want

As many things that I read and saw this week on the internet as Oscar had the patience to let me type up.

Some links to interesting things I read on the internet this week. 

Anti-gay group, The Ruth Institute, does not sway anyone's opinion of them.

Five Wrongly Convicted People the Legal System Kept Screwing

Funny Responses to Sexist Comments

Also...

Satirical shock article created to generate clicks for website after Nelson Mandela's death.

San Francisco LGBTQ shelter to close on Christmas

Finally, a black Christmas movie for white people!

5 Reasons Why Nelson Mandela is an Epochal Figure for LGBT Rights

Johnson&Johnson Continues to be a disgusting company that should die

"Plus sized models" are normal sized people.

How annoying is a list about 'body image heroes' when it's entirely made up of conventionally attractive, able bodied white women? This annoying!

So taboo. Who could love this woman?

They're all average sized and curvy in the right places. And while I know even the most 'perfect' looking of women have issues with body image and have to put up with bullshit critique we do not need a list of 11 white ladies comments on body image each year.

It was a HUGE year for Mindy Kaling. How was she not on that list? Jessica Smith started her own "Positive Body Image Awards" this year. I'm not super up to date on my pop culture right now but this can't be the best we can do.

People veil their unnecessary comments under the guise of 'concern'. As if being thin automatically makes you healthy and being fat automatically makes your health everyone else's business. Bull you don't want to 'glorify obesity' by not sticking your nose into other people's lives.

Being fat is one of the worst things you can be as a woman in America. You'll get more wiggle room if you're openly a racist. People will even defend your right to be a racist. People shouldn't feel bad about their body because of how other people feel about it.

The 'War on Christmas' Sounds Like a Stupid Movie. Short.

The 'War on Christmas' is hardly worth talking about. I think the easiest way to look at it is there have been religious references in government and in public schools that should have never been there in the first place and we're finally getting around to undoing it. Everyone should know better than to claim that things that have 'always' been around should never be examined or changed. 

Parenthood so far...Recap ahead

I don't think I had ever held a baby or really even looked at one super closely in person. I definitely somehow wanted to be a parent, though. Oscar's due date was May 7th 2013 but he was born on May 4th. Coincidentally I had made plenty of jokes about hoping he was born on May 4th up until that point but once the day arrived and I realized it was happening I remember wishing I had a few more days or maybe a few more weeks. 

I got my hair chopped off while I was in labor. Not my best idea. I was having contractions every 6 or 7 minutes at that point and couldn't sit still very well. 

I didn't have my 'dream birth'. It was nothing like I had imagined and after hours with no progress I begged for the epidural. Sitting still for it was the worst part. The rest was easy. It all seems easy looking back. Some of mother nature's voodoo, for sure. 

He was a lot stronger than I expected him to be. But really I had nothing except TV to build my expectations from so that's not saying a lot. He didn't fit in the outfit I brought for him or maybe I was too afraid to tug the onesie over his tiny little head. I regretted letting the hospital photographer take pictures of him. He hated it and it made me anxious, too. He held his head up really well from the start.

We started getting little smiles around 4 weeks. He could sit up unassisted at 5 months. Sit himself up from his tummy by 6 months and started crawling about the same time. Now at 7 months he is standing and working on taking his first step. He can sign dog and milk and is starting to wave and clap. He is still very uninterested in solid foods. So far he likes to suck on apples, he'll take a bite of banana and he likes these yogurt bites that I'm not sure if I approve of yet. Still no teeth. 

He likes all the songs from the Winnie the Pooh movie and his favorite toy is a little yellow moon thing that goes to his shape sorter. 

For probably the first three months I felt really awkward even picking Oscar up. Now I have no idea what I was doing to make it feel so weird. 

Nothing went as expected. I never wanted to cosleep but we started at around 3 months and I love it. I wanted to cloth diaper, but I didn't and now I finally got to start when Oscar was 6 months. 

So that's where we are.

Tradition Test Runs

I'm way in to Christmas. This year I may have taken too much on especially when Oscar doesn't even have the capacity to care yet.

I made my own makeshift advent calendar out of scrapbook paper, buttons and string. That has turned into even more work because each day on the countdown has a family activity we're supposed to do. Some of the activities are easy like drink hot chocolate or watch "Elf". Somewhere along the line I got overambitious and many items like "Leave a dollar taped to a soda machine", "Donate to SPCA", and "Collect Pinecones" snuck in there. It was hard to imagine when I was making my list that I wouldn't want to go out of the house and do something every day of December.

We've also decided to read a different new(to us) book every day of December until Christmas and do Elf on the Shelf to make a picture book for when he's old enough to understand it. Books, yes. Elf... I did not even get around to buying. I also decided I'll probably just buy some much cuter toy and make my own book. Because really? Thirty bucks for that thing of nightmares?

Our Christmas is definitely secular and would not make my neighbor with a plain white "Keep the Christ in Christmas" sign on his lawn happy. I'm pretty partial to Santa. If someone were to start a religion based around Santa and some reindeer I'd at least give them a listen when they came to the door. Hopefully caroling, cookies in hand. 

Here is an unfortunate quote from Bill O'Reilly on why we shouldn't say Happy Holidays this year:

What is interesting this year is that Hanukkah will be over on Thursday, so there are no more holidays between then and Christmas Day.

 This is my first post in my blog and normally what I'd do is dissect quotes or rant about them, whatever you want to call it. So this is probably a bad start but I have nothing to say to that. It's too ridiculous to think that a grown man would decide to say something like that.